for the mama who can relate
It's those times when I watch him sleeping so soundly. Or when I know he's watching me. Its those times when I make him laugh or smile. Times when I get to see him overcome milestones and become successful in something he once wasn't.
There's times when I want to pull my hair out. Times when he defies my plans. Times when he is so sick and there is nothing anyone can do but watch him struggle. There are times when the helplessness overwhelms me and tears are the only outlet. When all I wish I could do was trade his pain and take it on myself. But knowing I can't, just whispering in his ear, "I'm here." And that I know. And praying that he'll be well again and ready to play and be the active toddler boy I know he is.
I know most days are mundane, the same routine and same struggles of motherhood. Wake up only waiting for the time you can put them back to sleep. Seeing other people and their lives looking so much better than mine. But it's the sweet little good moments that remind me why I chose to be a mother. It's these times that I swell up with great pride knowing that he's mine and I get the greatest privilege to raise him.
There are so many times I question my judgement on how to raise my son. Times when I wish I could have taken back that harsh statement or that look. Regrets of moments past or worries of moments to come. I wonder often how he will turn out when he's older and if I will have "ruined" him in some way. The times I scour Facebook or Pinterest for articles and things to do in order to raise a son I would be proud of. And when I stop to take in my life as a mom...it's these questions and time spent searching for ways to grow as a mother that remind me I'm on the right track. To stop bashing myself over mistakes my son has already forgotten. And to keep going. Keep loving. Keep teaching. Keep mothering. That's when I know my fierce love will carry him through.
And I am reminded by so many good friends...that I am exactly who my son needs. That is why he is my son."
-Written by Darlene, Mama Tribe Blogger "Hi all! My name is Darlene Abrams. My family is made up of our one little guy, Owen, along with my husband, Nick and myself. We live in San Diego and try to live our lives full of joy, adventure, and lots of laughs."