if my toddler was your boss

“If My Toddler Were Your Boss…”

- The elevator would play Disney theme songs, not smooth jazz.

- The power button on your computer would be pushed every time she

stopped by your desk.

 -Crayons and markers would replace pencils and pens, for obvious safety

reasons.

 -Although she would go from crying to laughing to whining to screaming in a

moment’s notice, your boss would not be considered emotionally unstable.

- Your local water cooler would be filled with whole milk.

 -Your sunglasses would regularly end up in the trash.

 -Temper tantrums would be an effective method of negotiation.

 -Powerpoint slides would only contain pictures, and the presenters would

deliver the presentation through song and dance.

 -She would help herself to your snack drawer whenever she felt like it.

 -The kitchen appliances in the break room would be for show only, because

your boss’s boss knows better.

- She would hang up your phone every time you were on a conference call.

- Happy hour with the team would involve a jungle gym and swings, and

certainly no alcohol. Backwashed juice and Goldfish cracker crumbs would

be enjoyed by all.

 -She would openly fart, burp, and yes, poop, in front of you.

 -The Monday morning “how was your weekend” question would be replaced

with “Mama” followed by 64 subsequent “Mamas.”

- The office of Dunder Mifflin would soon become a reality for you.

- She would undo everything you were doing as you were doing it.

- Your privacy: Terminated. Any semblance of a closed-door policy:

Terminated. And general productivity would drop faster than a spaghetti

thrown to the floor from said boss.

-Written by Mama Tribe Blogger, Katie "Eleven years of OC living, seven years of teaching high school English, a husband named Kyle, and two babies later (Annalee and Luke), Katie Addiss is now experimenting with stay-at-home mom life. She has found that writing allows her to ponder the joys and struggles of motherhood while using vocabulary that contains more than one syllable. Katie is always open to life’s possibilities, except when those possibilities interfere with nap schedules."

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